


I Remember (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

by Steggy



Series: Tumblr Prompts [15]
Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Multi, Nightmares, poor buck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 00:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9352568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steggy/pseuds/Steggy
Summary: The screams are never silenced. Almost every night, they wake him, beg him to pay attention, to remember, and to hurt. The agony pulls him down, but he’s learning how to bring himself back up. And having you at his side every night, having you in general, is what pulls him back. This night is no different.





	

**Author's Note:**

> bother me on twitter @alyjevans or on tumblr @spangledcap & @poorcap

Silence.

He sits in silence, and the shadows wash over him. He gives in and falls deeper and deeper into the abyss of mistakes. Of failures. Of crimes. They are reminders. The cold metal fingers that dig into the flesh of his thigh are reminders of not only his inhuman strength, but of the destruction he’s left in his wake and the division that he’s caused. He roots himself at the same time he allows himself to self destruct.

But as the voices scream in his head, the voices of the lives he denied permission to continue, there is a flash of light. A warm hand smooths over the cool metal, gently grasping his wrist and pulling him back, waking him from the nightmares of his dismantled, fractured memory.

Bucky’s eyes flutter open, and as they adjust to the dim light, reality begins to slowly take hold.

 _It’s three o’clock in the morning._ He looks towards the window. _I’m in Wakanda. Steve is safe. I am safe. I am sitting on a bed in a bedroom, not a cot in a cell. My name is James Buchanan Barnes. I was a soldier in World War II, and I was taken—_

The hand slides from his wrist to his side, and the heat, the life that radiates from it makes him jump, stopping the exercise Steve had drilled into his head to help him when he got lost. His eyes fall to the figure curled up behind him.

You always bring him back.

“Nightmares?” You murmur.

Bucky’s lips press into a firm line before he shifts to face you, gently taking your hand into his unmanufactured one. He can just make out your tired eyes, woken by the lack of warmth beside you, and the guilt settles in his stomach. “Sorry, doll. Didn’t mean to wake ya again.”

He watches as your eyebrows knit together in concern, and he knows he’s done nothing to fool you. You always know. He can never get out of it.

You tug at his hand, and he wants so bad to just curl up into you and let it all out. To be free. To be loved, like he always wanted. Like he always needed. And he’s slowly learning how to. When he met you, flowers started growing in the darkest parts of his mind. Self-deprecating jokes faded as sweet, slow kisses became more frequent. The body beside him at night, kissing his shoulder, right where skin met machine, reminded him he was more than a killer. He was more than the Winter Soldier. He wanted nothing more than to just be what you made him.

Yours.

“I know,” He huffs, the tiniest of smiles breaking through in the darkness. Bucky reaches out his other hand and tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear. “I can never fool ya, can I?”

You lean into his touch, and he knows that you want him to slide back in beside you, that you want to go back to sleep. But he also knows you won’t until you’re sure he’s okay.

And that was difficult when he isn’t.

“We could go for a walk. The waterfall out back is always a quiet, peaceful spot. I just need to grab my robe, and we could—”

Bucky bends down and catches your lips in a brief kiss, stopping you. When he draws back, he whispers close against your mouth. “I’m all right, doll. I’ve got you. You’ve planted enough of your flowers in my head to keep it all from takin’ over completely.” He attempt a smile again, though this time it ventures on the side of sad. “Would you mind, though, um…”

“The exercise?”

His cheeks color. “Yeah.”

“Where did you leave off?” You sit up slightly, fingers weaving through his.

“My name. I left off right about there.”

“Your name is James Buchanan Barnes.”

His eyes flutter closed again. “My name is James Buchanan Barnes.”

“You were a soldier in World War II, and you were taken by Hydra and experimented on against your will.” Your fingers squeeze his, and he squeezes back.

“I was a soldier in World War II, and I was taken by Hydra and experimented on against my will.”

You bring his hand to your lips and say, “You were forced to do things, but it wasn’t your fault.”

He lets out a shaky breath. “I was forced to do things, but it wasn’t my fault.”

“You are getting better. You remember.”

“I am getting better. I remember.”

“And you love me.” He can hear the smile in your voice.

His lips tug at the corners as he opens his eyes. “And I love you.”

 


End file.
